Day 1: My Why

Day 1: May grandmother passed away on July 5th 2005, exactly a month shy of 15 years ago from when I am writing this. I remember exactly where I was when my dad called to give me the news. Dorm room, Moody Towers, University of Houston. I left Houston and journeyed back to Vermont where she would be laid to rest. 

Here’s what I wrote for her, and read at her funeral:

My mom asked me if I remembered anything special about my grandmother Mema that I wanted to share…So I have been thinking, what wasn’t special about my grandmother.  She was so real.  I say real maybe for lack of a better word.  She was real, bona fide, and so true.  She was the ideal grandmother.  When I was little she and my grandfather always got me the toy I wanted, they always forbid me to lean back in my chair among many other things, and they always expected me to act like they did.  

​As the years went by my grandmother grew as I did.  My grandfather died on December 25th 1990, and for the 14 Christmas’ that followed the traumatic one when he died, she smiled, she decorated the tree, she shopped, she preserved a holiday for my family by persevering through what must have been 14 of the hardest days of her life as she provided her family with a wonderful meal, warmth, and joy on a holiday that came annually- and when it came it came with such baggage, such a pain that I wonder how she wasn’t jaded or angry on this day.  

​When I left home to travel to college I became aware of how truly special my grandmother was.  I began to recognize who she was and I was fascinated by the life that you and I never knew and never will know of my grandmother.  She was quiet and always good for some necessary comic relief, and although it was comic to us it may have been a reality to her.  I never knew anymore than she told me about her life before I knew her.  Although I have asked for years now, I will never know.  I will know though that she worked until the day she died.  I say worked and maybe I should say exhausted.  She exhausted relentlessly to give her children a better life than what she had, to give them an identity that she never had.  I am proud to tell you and to tell her that she succeeded –you can see her three beautiful daughters, my aunts and my mom who have all become independent, confident, strong women thanks to her.  She has given me an identity that she may not have been able to embrace, but she has made me able to embrace it.

​As I recently finished college, I thank the lord that she was with me on this day in Indiana.  She has been with me through the thick and thin.  She has been there to listen, to nap with in the afternoon, and to be supportive.  Every time I saw her after I left for college I was struck by her humility, I am convinced that she could go anywhere with me an fit in…She has an unspoken presence, she gives people comfort, she is able to love people I love simply because I love them.

​My grandmother has worked so hard, she has traveled; she has been my inspiration and my motivation to come home at the end of the semester.  So Mom, when you ask me to think of something special about my grandmother, I cannot stop thinking of things such as…

…knowing she will always love you and that she would never judge you.  

…Remembering the smile that she gives you when you open the gift that she has been waiting months to give you.  

…The way people moved to her for conversation and she never had to move to them.  

…That she graduated from college.

…The way she dressed, I can count on my hand the amount of times she wore pants and I never once caught her wearing sneakers.  

…The way she united more than ten people every Sunday night for dinner.  

She was my big mama, she was my holy knight, and she always made sure everything would be alright.

​I am now counting on you to make sure she continues to live within each an every one of you.  Have humility like her, take naps on the couch with your granddaughters, cook dinner for your family, work hard for everything you have and be proud of it.  

​I hope those last deep breaths she took were free of pain and were my Mema leaving a life that wasn’t as gracious to her as she was to it.

​So Mom, there wasn’t one thing or two or three things that were special about my grandmother; there are thousands and everyday I live I know I will think of another.  I hope you are as proud to have known my grandmother and to have been touched by her as I am….Thank you.

​  -MM 7/7/05